Wednesday, March 09, 2011

on cleansing and when it gets annoying

So this month's studio theme is cleansing/purifying, right? One of the reasons I'm diggin' on the themes (and not just cause I got to decide on them) is because they are always there in my mind. So this month, this idea of cleansing is sooo present. And guess what, it's kinda sorta annoying me at times. Yes, it's true. But in a good way. Or a way that's valuable for me. Annoying, yes. Valuable, yes. Good

For example yesterday I had a meeting with my accountant. Uggghh. Not fun. I found myself thinking, "Maybe I'll stop and get a soy latte to take with me." So of course this idea of Cleansing is right there. Hangin' out, making itself known. And vocal on occasion too.

It says, "Pffttt. A soy latte. Really? Cleansing, huh?"

So I quieted down the Ms. Cleanse voice. Just paid attention to what was happening in my body and mind. Not grasping for anything. Not pushing anything away. Just being open to see if I could learn something.

When I peeled back the layers, what I landed on was this.... I wasn't looking forward to my meeting. In fact I was feeling nervous. And anxious. The thought of having a soy latte made me feel "more comfortable." But in reality it was just a way to sweeten up this experience I was not looking forward to.

And I knew that wasn't what I wanted to be doing. If I was having a soy latte I wanted it to be what it usually it. A delicious experience that's about joy and ritual. And work that I enjoy. Not me using a soy latte to cover up how I was truly feeling.

See, damn you rational voice. And month of cleansing and purifying too.

All joking aside (and if you didn't get that, the above was:)..... I know this to be a good theme for me to explore. It's there poking me in the ribs. Provoking me just a little (anytime something is realllly getting to you, that's a sign for inquiring deeper). Challenging my beliefs on food and eating. I share because I don't think I'm the only one who eats for the wrong reasons at times and chooses foods I don't really need. Call me crazy, but.....

I didn't have the latte. I was glad I didn't. Today I wanted a bagel. Upon further investigation, my lil ol' wise heart concluded that having a heavy bagel (and I would have had peanut butter too) was not what I needed to satisfy my fullest Self. It's rainy and my energy was feeling a little low. Why add something heavy to the mix? I could hear my Ayurveda voice in the background. She was not in agreeance with the bagel. I chose an apple instead. Happy that I did.

**So there is a lot of energy that surrounds food. It packs a lotta punch. Please know that I'm never here to judge what you eat, why you eat it, or how often you eat it. As always, I share my experiences with the hope that we can continue to learn from one another.**

PS - If you are interested in going deeper with the cleansing, this month's workshop will be held March 26-27, 12:00 - 4:00. Details on the website (under workshops).

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