phenomenal woman

I am thrilled to introduce you to my dear friend Jen Lile. Jen is our second phenomenal woman here online at the blog and for a very good reason. Her take on the holiday season and holidays in general is a refreshing and inspiring viewpoint. In fact she's inspired me to want to give back this holiday season. I'll share details later. Enjoy learning more about the lovely Jen Lile.

How do you define phenomenal woman?

A phenomenal woman lets her light, her gifts and her wisdom shine in a confident but modest way. She strives to be genuine and generous with everyone, including herself. She inspires and elevates those in her company. And she dances at every opportunity. :-)

I love the little things you do for holidays and celebrations, such as the Valentines Postcard and Friendsgiving. What do these sentiments, these events mean to you?

Some holidays and their accompanying traditions feel a little empty to me, so I try to add a twist that brings me joy. My idea for the party component of Friendsgiving probably started when I was eight years old and discovered that my friend Chip ate spaghetti on Thanksgiving. Why was I stuck with turkey?! Now I feel as giddy as my eight-year-old self when I see (and sample!) treats such as hummus, beans and rice, and freshly baked bread on the Friendsgiving buffet! The idea for the service component of Friendsgiving came about much later in my life, when I realized that I had an abundance of good fortune and I wasn’t sharing enough of it – I wanted to do more than just feel thankful. I knew that my friends could inspire and motivate me to volunteer my time more often, so I enlisted their help in creating monthly service events for all of us to participate in. I still share a traditional Thanksgiving with my family, and I think I enjoy it more now that it’s just one way, not the only way, I celebrate the holiday.

In a recent email you mentioned that this year your family will exchange gifts of love and service instead of “traditional” gifts. Can you tell us more about this?

My husband’s family is beyond big – he’s one of 11 children! Celebrating Christmas with them is amazing, but it also results in a lot of well-intentioned but somewhat excessive gift-giving. Last week one of my brothers-in-law and I proposed that our gifts reflect the love, talent and creativity within our family … for example, an invitation to dinner and conversation at one’s home, a drum or yoga lesson, a donation to someone’s favorite charity, etc. I was super-excited about this idea, but as I spoke with other family members I realized that most of them truly enjoy shopping and giving tangible gifts. So, while the dream of exchanging service-oriented gifts will not happen this year, I am personally committed to making and buying gifts that move beyond the traditional!

What do you do during the holiday season to take care of yourself mentally, physically and spiritually?

My most important self-care activity all year round, but most importantly during the holidays, is letting go of the “shoulds” and also the guilt that sometimes surfaces when I don’t follow those perceived obligations. The importance of this became clear to me a few years ago as I was addressing envelopes for my holiday cards. I was stressing about that process alone, and the thought of writing in each card filled me with dread – how was I going to get this done? At that moment I realized how disingenuous I was being to myself and to my friends and family by forcing myself to write words of joy that I wasn’t feeling at all. So I stopped! And now I send postcards to celebrate the beginning of the new year or Valentine’s Day, when I feel more connected to the message I’m sending to loved ones. So, ultimately, I guess I strive to find connection and meaning in everything I do around the holidays, and if that’s not apparent in a particular activity or tradition, I try not to force it. (I fully acknowledge that having a phenomenal husband and family makes this SO much easier.)

What do you find yourself most thankful for these days?

I am so thankful for the mindfulness that allows me to tap into a million little things to appreciate each day. And, I know this sounds a little odd, but I love that each morning starts with my dog dashing down the steps with me and hopping madly on his hind legs at the bottom of the staircase, as if he hasn’t done the very same thing -- in anticipation of the very same cup of dry dog food -- every morning for the past seven years of his life. It’s a great reminder, especially when I’m feeling grumpy about getting out of my cozy bed, that I can choose to find gratitude and joy in the ordinary.

What is your mantra?
Everyone’s a teacher, everyone’s a student. No matter what our job title or role may be in life, we always have opportunities to learn from each other and to teach each other. This perspective also leads to a strong sense of compassion for others and for myself … we’re all trying to figure things out, aren’t we?

Thank you Jen for taking the time and putting so much thought and honesty into these questions. I'm honored that you did so!