Tuesday, March 06, 2012

looking for answers

"O Friend, what you're looking for does exist, but not where you're looking." Babaji's teacher

For a long time I've been on a quest for contentment, although I didn't always use that word. It was my desire to feel whole, to feel full and satisfied in life. That was the answer I was seeking.

Yet instead of looking inward, I focused my attention and efforts outward.

I looked for it in getting away from my roots, my home, and going off to college.

Then in moving away after college, getting even farther from home, and finally having money.

I thought my marriage was supposed to make me feel content and whole. Sorry Andy, that's a heavy burden. ;)

I can continue in this way. Going through the list of things, people, places, and experiences I thought would make me feel content and settled.

It was during my first yoga class that I got a delicious taste of pure contentment. Sure there were other times I'd felt content. But at this particular time I was ready to make a full commitment to making change and living differently.

What I've learned is that it's part of my nature to want to learn and seek new experiences. And I'm ok with that. I actually really happy and enjoy this part of Me.

Yet I do have to keep myself in check. It's hard for me to put the brakes on at times. There are soooo many great things in the world!

I know that in order to be most effective in my life and in the world all the experiences I seek must come forward from a grounded and focused place. A place of me feeling nourished and deeply grateful for all that I am and all that I've been a part of.

So as I'm immersing myself in the life coaching realm and preparing to lead my very first Right Brain Business Planning workshop this month, I'm also staying grounded in my day to day self care practices, teaching and business to-dos.

Or attempting to do so. Some days it comes easier.

When I'm feeling unsettled, anxious, or impatient I have to get quiet, dive inward, and ask myself "what's really going on here?" Many times it's something I'm avoiding, something I've skipped over, something I haven't allow myself to feel or express.

Then I take some sort of action. A few deep breaths. Move my body. Do some writing or have a conversation with someone.

Some of this is a new way for me in being in the world and in my relationships and some feels very old and familiar.

Yet when I'm finished I feel connected to my own wholeness and I realize I don't have to be on a quest for answers nor contentment because they are already as much a part of me as my own hopes, dreams, and desires.

All I have to do is bring my attention to it and affirm it.

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