Thursday, December 30, 2010

love letter to 2010

Dear 2010,

You have rocked my world. I really think that you have presented me with my all time, most favorite year in my 33.5 years. I know, that's big. BIG.

I don't even know where to start, at the beginning perhaps? Sure, let's do this thing. First of all, the talented and driven yoga teacher trainees (who are now teachers!) that I journeyed with for six months. They totally inspired me in numerous ways. They inspired me to be a real student again. A student of Ayurveda. They were undeniably dedicated to the rigorous process of becoming a teacher. They did the work (for real). And more students from this group then any before actually did all their work and became registered with Yoga Alliance. I had coffee with one of them today. I can't believe it's only been six months ago. They all seem like they've always been teachers now. Total delight they are.

I was a lucky participant in happy happy travels this year.....Travel fills my heart and soul in ways that's hard to express. Thank you so much for helping me to spread my wings and literally, soar through the air. I am forever grateful. Even today when I get on a place, I pinch myself cause I truly feel so lucky. I tell Andy that if I didn't travel my soul would wither up and die. I think it might be true.

Speaking of travel I spent six whole weeks in Mexico! I know, I still can't believe it. AND I go to share Tulum, my spiritual home with my Momma and Andy. I met fabulous people from across the US in July for my 4th annual retreat at Maya Tulum. I had people join me from four countries in Tulum in October. The teacher training is Tulum was the most significant event for me this year. I still can't believe I was there. With those people. Working through the process.

Barefoot Works, the yoga tree house. Could it be any more perfect? I still walk into the space, look around with wide eyes and feel unbelievably lucky to call it mine. I feel blessed to have a team of talented teachers that gives so much to the students. Last night I lay in bed (in the cocoon) and read a Christmas letter from a teacher, not just a card, but a whole letter. It brought happy tears to my eyes. I have students that come to class, each week, each month, season by season....they show up and do the work. They inspire me to want to become a better yoga student and a better teacher. It's truly a community of soul. When I think about this world of yoga created around me, I feel giddy.

I took three local retreats in the area. One at the beginning of the year to craft and collage my intentions for the year, a work retreat in June for Mexico training materials, and a recent three day silent retreat. Retreat, retreat, retreat...I do love you so.

This was the year I gave myself full permission to all inclusive of all of my parts and pieces. With the help of Grace I've become familiar with the wise one, the dancing one, the poor Appalachian, the dreamer, the rebel, the stubborn bull, the tree hugger, and so on. I love all of them. They each have a place in my heart and bring their strengths (and weaknesses too) to the table.

Speaking of tables, Ayurveda has inspired me to make cooking a higher priority. I'm having so much fun getting cookbooks from the library and cooking up yumminess. I love my near daily green juices. They make me dancey. I've even taken to making Andy's lunch. That's a first in nearly 10 years of marriage. I did two cleanses this year, one in the spring and one in the fall. I do appreciate a good cleanse.

The Big Blue House received some love this year. I fancied up our bedroom at the beginning of the year. Right now during the cold winter months, the bedroom has become my sacred space. Andy and I refer it to the "cocoon" and I find my way there early in the night and slumber there into the morning with books spread on the bed, hot tea next to me, and pinktop on lap. And snoring dogs on the floor. We got the Big Blue a fancy new roof recently too.

Heartache and hurt. Not everything has been good 2010. I've had to sit by and watch people that I love hurt in numerous ways. I feel deeply as it is. My heart has been a tender mess much of the year. I've shed many tears, cursed people aloud, said and sang prayers, offered advice, hoping that those I love would be spared of suffering. I stood at the bottom of a hospital bed holding my unconscious Daddy's feet, feeling helpless. Pain. Pain. Pain. Lots of hurt.

This summer while I was away in Mexico a dear student of mine suddenly and tragically passed away. This was harder on me than I could have imagined. It still aches to think about it. She was here, then suddenly gone. I think of her often and still sense her presence in my life. Her friend taught me a valuable lesson when she said in reference to their friendship, "I'll never waste time being reserved with a friend again. L and I wasted a lot of time in the beginning being reserved." Give of your heart. Always.

More hurt when I learned people were saying hurtful things about my baby (Barefoot Works, of course). I won't say more other than it sucks when you realize business is business, even if it's yoga business. Yogis too have their issues.

I've made decisions that weren't great in hindsight. There were times I worked too much, said the wrong thing, and regretted not saying anything at all.

But still, I wouldn't change a thing. I truly trust you. I trust that everything that happened has happened for a reason.

From the bottom of my heart...
I thank you for letting me soar through the sky.
I thank you for bringing me exactly the students that I need to teach and learn from.
I thank you for bringing me to my knees in pain.
I thank you letting me howl at the moon in Mexico.
I think you for a yoga community that gets it.
I thank you for a family that isn't perfect. But perfect for me.
I thank you for a husband that believes in my and my dreams.
I thank you for the beauty, the magic, and the mystery that you are.

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

No comments: