Monday, November 29, 2010

what is dying to be born?

What is dying to be born? I was immediately drawn to this powerful question when I read it months ago. I sensed urgency in this question. I sensed sadness and hope at the very same time. Mostly I sensed the idea of faith and surrender.

This has been quite the year for me. I started the year by kicking off our third 200 hour teacher training here in Lexington, and devoted my time, energy, and heart in guiding these students on the yoga path. A desire to know more about Ayurveda led me to Arizona, Kripalu and ended (or really began) with me enrolling with the California College of Ayurveda. I'm halfway through with becoming an Ayurveda Health Educator.

I witnessed some of my Mondo Beyondo dreams coming true, like traveling with my mom to Tulum (her first flight ever), planning, selling out, and leading my first yoga training in Tulum, and spending nearly six weeks in....yes you guessed it, Tulum. I also took my first business retreat to Philadelphia this year. I started working with my life coach Grace Caitlin in January. Our story of how we met is pretty sweet. One day I'll share more on that, but she has helped me to heal and grow in BIG ways.

And over the past few weeks something new has happened to me. I crashed. Yep, totally. I've felt uninspired. I haven't felt motivated to blog, be creative, or be productive in the ways I've always "expected" myself to be. I keep reassuring myself that after this crazy cool amazing year of manifesting, it's totally to be expected. The wisest part of me knows this to be true.

I haven't felt like myself in weeks. It has felt like some piece of me, some part of me was dying . Sounds dramatic, trust me...I know. The part of me that wants to do everything, right now, right this instant, appears to be taking a break and feeling more comfort and content in letting the days unfold in total ease. The part of me that always wants to push forward is yielding to the present.

The part of me that thought I could do it all is becoming more accepting. I can't do it all. Perhaps I could do it all but not at the level that is important to me. I've been feeling that something was needing to give. I knew that I needed to temporarily give something up in order to rest and find space. I believe that by consciously creating this space, something new will be birthed.

When I connected to all of this, by means of breathing, feeling the sensations in my body, and connecting to my heart, I could no longer deny the call to cancel the yoga teacher training here in Lexington for January. You can imagine this was quite a surprise to me. This revelation was scary and I felt very nervous about it. However, I couldn't deny it.

I know this to be true:
1. Projects we don't feel energized about typically don't do well.
2. My potential training students deserved nothing less than an energized and inspired teacher ready to lead.
3. I deserve to do work that I'm excited about in the moment, regardless of how energized I felt about it last month or last year.

That's the dying part. Tough, no? However (insert exclamation points) there is something so wonderfully BIG that is waiting to be born. I've felt this for a few months now. I've felt it even during this uninspired stage.

I haven't exactly put my finger on it but I have an idea. The universe has been doing its part, showing up and providing me with the most inspiring signs (I like to think of these as "winks" from the universe). Yes the universe is providing me with the space, this opportunity to show up in an even bigger way to my students. I'm sure of it.

I'm surrendering in a way that's very new and very uncomfortable for me. I'm totally trusting that with this space I'm freeing, something amazing will emerge. And of course, you'll be among the first to hear about it!

It is my hope in sharing this story that you ask yourself this important question, what is dying to be born? That you get quiet, check in, listen to the small voice that answers., and one brave step at a time you move in that direction.


PS - Here is the ebook that prompted "what is dying to be born". Enjoy!

PPS - This is from one of the contributors. It gives me goose bumps reading:

Presence is dying to be born. A universe unknown, right here, in this moment, is dying to be born to me, to you, to all of us.

A letting go, as if in totally restful sleep, yet all the while fully awake - there is nothing to do, no one to be, no effort, senses engaged. A moment is an eternity - it's all there is.

Presence is where the world meets us - where we are. Without pushing, without striving.

Presence is where we can welcome another, with love, present fro whoever they may be, opening us to a journey into new landscapes.

Vigilance has its place. Presence is dying to be born.


Linda said...

Thank you so much for your kind words about my piece on Presence from Lianne's e-book, What is Dying to be Born? More of my writing: I write about and study, attention, breath, embodiment, technology, trends... Happy Thanksgiving.

Mia said...

I love this post, Sharon - this has to be one of my (many) favorites in your blog so far! Your yoga/life practice and reflections on it are so honest and courageous, which is what is so inspiring! It must not have been easy to let go of something or let it "die", so to speak. Another friend of mine calls it "incubation" - so I think it's a relief to also think about it in that sense. That it's not permanently going away or you're not permanently letting go... but letting it incubate. Thank you for sharing how you are "yielding" in your life.