self care and the monsters

I've been a little sick over the past week. I'll spare you the whiny details of this and choose to chat about something I find much more interesting than the actual sickness. Which is how one chooses to care for oneself while feeling icky.

My sickness came about at a rather unfortunate time, just days before a weekend meeting for yoga teacher training. I've professed numerous time how much I love leading and being a part of this amazing process. It really means A LOT to me.

As Friday drew closer, I cancelled a private yoga session, laid in bed feeling like I didn't have the energy to do anything, and debating the best decision I could make for myself and the teacher trainees.

Choose to teach and give less than my best self (and risk making others sick) or choose to teach the portions I could and hand the rest of the weekend over to the other talented and knowledgeable yoga teachers that also teach.

After much debate in my mind and with my husband I decided on the latter. But it was so hard for me. The monsters (you know the ones) reared their heads and made not so nice statements...

"You're a yogi, you're not supposed to get sick. What kind of example are you setting?"
"So what if you're a little sick Suck it up and push through."

Ultimately the part of me that knows that taking care of myself must come first if I am to give and share the very best of myself and yogic teachings with others.

However, I didn't do this with such grace and ease. I was amazed over the amount of guilt I was feeling for being sick, for not being present. It left me feeling less than worthy.

This is clearly a work in progress for me. I certainly haven't figured it out, but I'll definitely work with processing it some more. Move with it, meditate with it, and write about it.

The art of self care minus the guilt. To love oneself fully and unconditionally with no strings attached is a beautiful thought.

Receiving a sweet note from a yoga teacher trainee helped me to feel much better about my decision...

"Sharon---thanks for modeling some great self-care and taking some time to rest. I really admire your willingness to say, even though it's a training weekend, my health is still the important thing and trusting your other teachers to handle it even without you. You were missed but know that you taught us even in your ...absence just by using wisdom. Blessings and hope you are back to full strength soon. Namaste!"

Happy April dear yoga friends! May the sun kiss your shoulders and warm your soul.