on getting quiet & letting go

Hi there, it's me....peeking in and saying hi here on blogland. When the people go MIA on the blogs that I read I wonder what's going on....are they ok? Perhaps they are traveling? Maybe they're sad or mad? Funny how I do that. Wondering where they are and wishing they were providing me with some entertaining reading. :)

I'm doing really good and have been spending time lots of time working (Hazard training,retreat planning) learning (hello spanish & yoga therapy), and playing (mid day movies, mondo beyondo and general dreaming).

It seems that I go in spurts here on the blog. Sometimes I'm feeling all open and chatty wanting to share everything that's on my mind and in my heart at that particular moment. Other moments I prefer to be quiet. To be like the turtle choosing to close up in its shell. To not share and not put myself out there so openly. I've been spending a lot more time writing in my journal which has been so nice.

Someone did ask me in an email this morning about the mondo beyondo course that I've been taking. We're now in the fifth and final week. The e-course has been so much fun. And good.

I've followed Andrea and Jen's blogs for a long time so I really just wanted to be a part of anything they were doing! It's really helped me to get clear about what I really wish and hope for in my future. It's been an interesting process.

I've come to understand that there is a reason (even if we can't understand or don't know) that we have our particular dreams. And I believe that we already have everything we need (not necessarily talking about money) in order to fulfill and live our dreams. We just have to peel back the layers of negativity, self doubt, fear, anger, etc. and then we see what and who we really are. And just how much we are really capable of.

So I've made a big long list of new dreams. I had thought that I would share here. But again, I'm feeling more quiet so I've opted to only read them out loud to one other person, Andy. He didn't laugh out loud (just a snicker), or yell at me.

For a while I felt like I was trying to control the unwinding and the happening of some dreams. Something I have a tendency to do sometimes. It's certainly more of a challenge for me to loosen the grip, do some work and let the universe do it's fair share too. I think I have...to...do...it....all. And I also found the more I controlled, the less fun the process was.

So I gave my dreams one final read over the other night then I stuffed them underneath my mattress. I've let go a lil bit more and every night I feel comforted knowing that I sleep atop my wishes and the things, people, places, and opportunities my heart desires. This certainly puts a smile on my face as I drift off into a deep slumber.

Getting quiet. Letting go. One more time.