saving grace

 

Little moments they come and go, sweep away the heaviness of my heart, and save me daily. Thank you grace.

 

Thank you for healing trips to the mountains. Time to heal alongside Andy. Time with my family and amazing views of the mountains. A Christmas trip to the beach with family. Wishing, hoping, praying for more healing.

 

Thank you for that sweet dog that came to us on my birthday, just two weeks before we got pregnant. Nico has left my belly yet he remains in my heart and I think of him each time I snuggle Zoe close.

 

Thank you for the option of staying close to home. For sitting at our table, crying while I cut ultrasound pictures and paste them into an art journal. For sipping hot tea and looking out the window while the world passes by. All on Monday, a workday.

 

Thank you for quiet mornings in a cozy bed. Hot liquid goodness that lifts my spirits. Sleeping dogs. Rilke poetry and the way it makes me feel normal when he speaks so intimately of death. Putting pen to paper and writing letters to Nico.

 

Thank you for friends. The one who understands why I can't hold her newborn baby right now. The one that gifts me with the words by Mary Oliver. The one that sends me a video of her singing "O Holy Night" and reads to me, "I want to fly" and I bust out in a fit of laughter. The far away long ago friend that sends a candle that I light each night in honor of Nico. The one that supports all of me and helps me to see I get to choose my truth.

 

Thank you for the late evening walks in the cemetery with Andy, the dogs, the moon, and the stars.

 

Thank you for inspiration. And action.

 

Thank you for books and words and emails that soothe my soul and awaken joy.

 

Thank you for the treehouse that embraces me like a warm hug each time I enter. For the students who bring themselves and their All to our classes. For the teachers who are beyond a doubt the best, most dedicated, most wonderful people I could ever hope for.

 

Thank for the light of candles, the sparkle of the trees. Santa on a sleigh. Buying the perfect gift. The painted bird from India. An ornament with Nico's name hanging on the tree. Frank Sinatra holiday music and mexi mocha hot chocolate.

 

Thank you for the student who writes an email that sings like a song. And the one who sends an Oscar the Grouch poem that speaks of "broken and beautiful, fractured and rare, missing pieces that used to be there."

 

Thank you for a husband that loves me when I sob, weep, and rage. And when I dance, laugh, and love.

 

Thank you Yoga, for keeping me deeply connected to my head and my heart. For being patient, waiting, staying with me while I do this work. For willing back to the now.  For stretching my body and my heart. And helping me to love wide open.

 

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Saving Grace.