It's been an emotionally charged weekend for me. I spent Friday in Louisville with my best yogini friend Shelli. We had a great time eating brunch, sipping mimosas, drinking latte's, making plans for the new year, and exchanging thoughts about how lucky, how blessed, and how brave we are in living these yogini lives. Friday began with all the makings of a really fabulous Friday.
Don't get me wrong. It's been a good weekend. I can't really complain. I didn't get a flat tire. Or a speeding ticket. All is well with health and family. I have a roof over my head, a few cute clothes to wear, good food to eat. And enough money to indulge in tasty coffee drinks.
Friday I returned to the house and had the evening alone. The emotions started with watching "Brokeback Mountain." I had never seen it. As my friend said, "It's like a train wreck. You can't stop watching." I kept watching....waiting for a high point. A happy ending. Or at the very least, a happy moment. I can't say that there really was one. The movie ends and I sit crying on my couch. Alone. On a Friday evening.
I was excited to watch "Hope for Haiti". I thought it would pull me outta the dumps. It had the word "hope" in it afterall(yeah I know...what in the heck was I thinkin'). Wow...Could I have ever been more wrong? About the third song in with Bruce Springsteen singing, I'm sitting on the couch, phone in hand, texting GIVE to donate money to these people, these souls, for this sad, sad disaster. And crying. Tears streaming down my face.
Hello Friday night. I couldn't decide if I should go for the Internet, the wine, or the phone. Surely there was a distraction to pull me out of this wasteland of dumps. I knew that all three could momentarily help get rid of this yuck. This sadness. These low feelings that I'm not a particular fan of.
Today Teresa taught an amazing, and I mean really amazing workshop on meditation. She is gifted at this. There were 18 of us present. We took a few moments to introduce ourselves at the beginning. Without Teresa prompting us, I think two thirds of the group stated their name, what they do for a living, and how stressed their lives and jobs are. (I'm planning to ponder and write more about this for the newsletter).
We did a great "who am I " meditation. The idea that we are more than
* a job
* a mother
* a wife
* a sister
* a teacher
* a friend
* a body
continue to insert.......
So good. I finished feeling really good. Didn't think much about it till I was driving home and I was so deep in thought that I didn't even know where on Man-O-War I was. Really. I actually did a U-ey caused I thought I'd passed Nicholasville Rd. Then ended up having to do another U-ey cause I hadn't actually passed Nicholasville Rd. After I slapped myself in the face to shake the thoughts outta my head (kidding, mostly) I focused on just getting myself home. Preferably safely.
Now in thinking (safely about this without fear of hurting myself or some poor soul on Nich. Rd) about this I can see how we do this everyday. We talk about the weather, what we do for a living, our kids being on the honor roll, the success of our spouse, other people's struggles, our fave new products, the great new restaurant, (again insert a number of things here) how things are tough but they'll look up.....when at times what we're really feeling/thinking is...
"My god, this sucks."
"My job is sucking the life out of me."
"My relationship is sucking the life out of me."
"The confusion is too much."
"I'm tired of making adult decisions."
"I can't quite take control of my health."
"I'm exhausted."
"Family life ain't all it's cracked up to be."
Is this true all the time? I hope not. Sometime? Uhhh hell yeah. I think we have a general tendency to not talk about
Our stuggles.
Our pains.
Our confusion.
Our anger.
Am I being a Debbie Downer? I have to say I don't think so, cause clearly I don't enjoy that place so much. Honest. Too much emotion for the weekend? Not sure. I'll let you know in a couple of days. ;)
Really, are these some of the things that mean "stress" when so many of us are mentioning it? We use that word all the time. We toss it around daily. What does it reeeallllyyyyy mean? For you? For me? For all of us?
Definitely thinking out loud on this one. Gonna hit the "publish" button before I go back and censor.
**Teresa looks pretty sweet in the photo huh? Love the smile.**
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