
One of the questions I've gotten most about my silent retreat is, "What did you do all day?" I'm actually both surprised by how little, yet how much I did. I really didn't feel like I got bored. I didn't feel like I was reaching, grasping for things to do.
What I do see now that I've been back for two days is it took some adjusting for me just "to be". To be without a goal. To be without an agenda. To be, without being productive.
In looking back at my journal I can see how I was dealing with that on Saturday while retreating. While I wasn't working, there was probably still a part of me in work mode. One example....I recorded everything I did on Saturday.
This is how it goes:
7:00 Wake, lay in bed, and watch is grow light outside.
8:15 Make hot tea, write in journal
9:00 Meditate
10:00 Drink a green juice, sit in the rocker, and watch outside
10:45 Yoga
12:00 Abhyanga (self massage), shower
12:45 Lunch
1:30 Start to walk labyrinth but it starts to rain, go to chapel, then the common area. I get a book by Mary Oliver, Long Life
2:30 Start a fire, sit in front of fire for meditation
3:30 Reflect and write about end of the year questions
4:15 Make hot chocolate and read Mary Oliver
5:15 Yin Yoga
6:30 Dinner
7:00 Read & write
8:00 Meditation
I look at this list and it looks like sooo much! But then I read back over and it pretty much includes: eating, mediation, yoga, reading, writing, and watching.
But I was on some kind of task. Part of me wanted to record so I could come back and see what I did later on. Part of me wanted to record so I could share here on the blog. So, some part of me was connected.
Which I'm ok with. Interestingly enough I didn't make any more notes, didn't record my play by play actions any other day. I think Friday when I arrived I was excited about my retreat. Saturday was my first full day of silence and I probably had a harder time this day unplugging from everything.
Surprising even to me on Sunday when I woke, sat, drank hot tea, and watched outside I thought to myself "I can't believe I only have one more day." Then I see the three deer grazing outside my cabin about fifteen feet, and at that time observing them was the most important on my agenda.
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